Mean Reds

Warning: Danger Will Robinson. I am Cantankerous.

Synonyms: crotchety, ornery, captious.

Yes.

I am mustering up the courage to give facebook the finger, (you know which one!), once and for all. I fantasize about the day that I have enough courage to just grab my 2 beers, scream F*CK YOU and take the slide off of the big ol' jet airliner!

This is not a new thought. I think about it several times a day actually. Every single day. Then, someone I know and love sends me a sweet comment or says I look pretty and that makes me get all gushy about it again. Oh fb, you're the best! I heart you! So you see, I am Jeckyl. And I am Hyde. In all reality, it's such an unhealthy and dysfunctional relationship, but out of fear of being left out or not knowing about something I might want to know about, I agree to take the good with the bad for another day. Just one more day and then I'll quit. No really. I will. Someday. Today is not that day. Maybe tomorrow.

Unfortunately, I've been letting little stuff annoy the crap out of me as of late. I know that I would feel better NOT knowing what I'm missing out on sometimes. It would be ideal to live a real life versus a voyeuristic one. I have real friends that like me just the way I am. I like tangible things. I could play Scrabble with real live humans, I could. But no. Instead, I usually sit alone in a dark room and play Scrabble online with people who actually just live down the road a few miles. It's all so wrong.

I'm not afraid to say/write out-loud that I don't enjoy seeing photos and comments about fun things that happen among a group of friends, that clearly, I was not included. Sometimes they're little things. A brunch. A house-party. A close friends birthday party. Or maybe a baby shower. Or the engagement party and wedding for someone you helped get together with their intended in the first place. Ouch. It just feels like a big fat slap in the face when you realize that you don't mean as much to someone as you'd like to or once actually did! Every once in awhile, the green eyed monster rears his ugly head because of stuff I spy on fb. The girl can't help it. My apologies if I've ever made you feel this way by stuff that I post or say. It's not a fun feeling. (In all fairness, I get invited to my fair share of events and sometimes I even go to them!)

You know, it's kinda like high-school all over again. Except now instead of imagining what all of the cool kids do when they're hanging out together (without you), you get to see the real-time updates complete with photos! Swell. And it doesn't just fly by you once and it's off the radar. Oh no! They show up over and over and over again. Those pesky connections that insist on showing up on your feed because you happen to be a "friend" of someone tagged in one of their photos. I sound bitter. I kinda am. I'm just in a really pissy mood tonight. I am so glad tomorrow is Friday. Only 8 more hours of work, 2 more hours of traffic and I am free. (Shore-leave as my friend Dave called it.) Weekend passes rule.

So, back to fb and a few points of my contention as of late. I'll spare you and stop at just 5. Drum roll please, in no particular order...

1: Messages. 
I'm tired of people sending me and 14,000 other people I do not know ONE message. Why? Because the morons who have something to say to the sender, almost always hit REPLY ALL instead of the reply (to sender) button. Then, all of us get every single back/forth response all day long. Even if you delete the message. They keep on coming for what seems like forever. Which not only wears down my phone battery, but more importantly, it grates on my every last nerve. And for the record, I like to receive messages rather that personal crap posted on a wall for the world to see. And, I really don't mind so much if you send to say, 2 people, one message. If 2 people trying to plan something hit reply all-then it's like a 3-way phone call via fb messages. A few quick back/forth messages and you're done. Event planned. Short and sweet and NOT annoying as hell.

2: Friend Requests.
I will never understand why people who NEVER speak to me in real-life or even look in my direction when they do see me out and about, request to be my friend. ? They just send a friend request- no note, no how ya doing? No quick reminder of where we met and why I should know them. Nothing. Nada. Nil. Zilch. It makes no sense. I find it baffling. I really don't know if they are just friend collector or if they'd just like to have quicker access to people that I do know via my friend list. I really do not get it.

3: Vague-booking.
Here's the definition from Urban Dictionary: An intentionally vague Facebook status update, that prompts friends to ask what's going on, or is possibly a cry for help. Also known as, "an intentionally vague Facebook status update, that prompts friends to "Hide" future updates by the perpetrator."

Personally, I love the hide option, but really, if folks annoy me enough that I have to "hide" them, perhaps they should just be gone from my list in the first place! Poof, be gone! (That is of course, until they notice and I get another friend request without a note...) I am friends with several offenders and again, I truly apologize if I've ever been this person.

4: The Combative Friend.
I honestly think that some folks live to taunt, tease and argue. If I write that I like something, they immediately tell me why they hate it and why I should hate it too. And why I'm a bad person for liking that thing in the first place. It's truly exhausting. Hello hide button! Better yet, delete button! Buh-bye.


 5: Event Invites.
If these were in order of annoyance, event invites would definitely be #1 on my list. I know some people only have 20 connections and do not fully understand my issue with them. Let me try to explain it. I have many friends. (And they're all folks that I have a valid reason for being "friends" with in the first place; I don't collect friends. In all reality, I am actually an aspiring friend purger.)  Anyhow, I digress. Back to the invites.

Many, many, many of my friends are performers of some sort. Whether it be artists, photographers, singers, authors, performance artists, etc. I get so many event invites that I've taken to clicking the "ignore all invites from _______" This all sounds so trite. I get "soooo" many people wanting to invite me to things that it's overwhelming. Poor Trishi. (If only that were the case.) Let's dig deeper and take a closer look.

The aforementioned event invites are coming in for things that are happening all over the WORLD. Not the city I live in! Sometimes not even the state I live in! The World I say! Riddle me this: Do you really think that I'm going to come and see your band in Norway or Spain, tomorrow; when I live smack dab in the middle of Texas? I'm not. I promise I won't be making it. Seriously, I am afraid of water and I will not be attending your show in Spain! Even if you were going to pay my way, I still will not be in attendance. Think about it, I do not go see you when you play at the Broken Spoke, which is less than 2 miles from my house, so no, I won't be making it to your gig halfway across the world. Please. Just make it stop.

Please everyone. Please stop being so lazy and only invite people to things that they might actually be able to attend. I'll be generous and say, how about giving me at least a 90 mile radius? Sounds fair to me. Please know that most things that I genuinely care about; I already know about. I read. I listen. I seek out information and/or receive updates from Pollstar, websites, RSS feeds, band members, etc. I sound smug. I apologize.

Call me Oscar if you must as I am a super grouch tonight. I'm going to bed now, so maybe, just maybe I'll get up on the right side of it tomorrow.

P.S. Thanks to Tammy for this gem!